CLOSE MY EYES
by caress of shadows
Summary: Rachel's favorite subject is Noah Puckerman.


AN: So just a quick one shot, since I have been out of the loop for a while. Sorry its not beta'd, so I hope not too many errors! please R & R!!

* * *

Close My Eyes

Things were different for Rachel Berry after New Directions won sectionals. Finn Hudson was finally hers, and she was happy. She had to be. Right? She spent all her free time with Finn but, her mind was always on another boy. Her eyes would follow this other boy against her will. This other boy was Noah Puckerman and he became her favorite subject.

At first it was just an appreciation of the almost perfect specimen of masculine beauty that was one Noah Puckerman. Really no one man should have that much going for them. As the weeks passed other details became clear. Noah's eyes really were the window to his soul. She could see his determination, how he missed his best friend, how he tried so hard to hide the anger he felt for Quinn Fabray. The beautiful blonde was the mother of his unborn child, and the ex-girlfriend of his ex-best friend (the ex-best friend who just so happened to be Rachel's current boyfriend.) Rachel realized the potential for disaster her sudden obsession could cause. She just couldn't help it. So she pretended. She pretended she was happy with Finn. She pretended that Noah wasn't anything to her. Most of all, she pretended that Noah didn't realize what was going on with her.

Rachel acknowledged that the butterflies she used to get for Finn could not compare to the feelings Noah evoked in her. Rachel felt unloyal and she prided herself on her loyalty but, she continued to observe the other boy. She went to all of the games (trust her there were a lot of them, they played every sport imaginable!) everyone thought she was there to support Finn. She smiled weakly at the comments about how she was such a committed girlfriend, her eyes never leaving Noah.

She was standing at her locker when she felt him come up behind her. She knew it was Noah without turning around. No one else had the power to make her skin tingle and her ears buzz.

"Why do you keep looking at me?" He demanded in an almost growl.

Rachel bit her bottom lip panicked.

"I'm not." She lied.

He grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. Rachel was caught off guard and she tipped forward, landing flush against his muscular chest. He moved even closer, their noses almost touching. She could feel his breath whispering hotly over her lips.

"I've noticed, Rachel. You're not allowed to watch me. You're not allowed to have any fucking thoughts about me. Got it?" He said harshly.

Rachel couldn't breathe he was so very, very close.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to." She tried to explain lamely.

"Just…stop." He turned and walked away.

Rachel clenched her hands in an attempt to stop their shaking. She closed her eyes. She wanted so badly to keep them closed but, she knew she couldn't. Her eyes needed the sight of Noah like her lungs needed air.

"Are you okay?" Finn's voice cut through. She blinked rapidly wondering how long she stood there like this.

"I'm fine, everything is fine." If her smile was a little too brilliant, Finn didn't notice. He grabbed her hand and led her to glee practice.

* * *

She tried to stop, she really did! Almost three weeks after her confrontation with Noah, she was standing at her locker again. She felt his presence almost immediately. With a cringe she realized her awareness of him seemed to have quadrupled over the last three weeks. Her mind screamed for her to stay put. _Don't look Rachel! _She didn't listen and she turned her eyes seeking and finding almost instantly. He was walking hand in hand with Quinn Fabray. She felt as if someone had kicked her in the stomach. As the couple passed her by Noah turned his head back to shoot her a baleful glare.

To Rachel's mortification a tear slipped from her eye and trailed down her cheek. Noah's expression turned unreadable, except for the brief flash of pain in his green-gold eyes. Rachel dropped everything and ran, too upset to realize that the hazel eyed boy was chasing after her. She heard her name and she just went faster.

She was in love with Noah!

Someone grabbed her arm as her feet hit the tarmac of the student parking lot. She cried out trying to pull out of the ruff grasp.

"Rachel, its Puck, calm down." He said, his breath coming in pants. God, she was fast for a midget.

"Let me go, Noah." Rachel demanded.

"I don't think I can." He admitted.

"What?" Rachel blinked.

"Come on." Noah moved his hand down her arm and captured her hand. He pulled her to his truck. She knew she shouldn't go, that this was bound to end badly. Rachel didn't care. The sense of rightness she felt couldn't be a fluke.

He opened the passenger door and practically shoved her inside, her feet landing amongst fast food bags and discarded text books. Puck ran around to the driver's side and effortlessly hopped into his seat. And they sat there in the intense silence, both staring out the window, scared of what they might see in the other's eyes. Rachel didn't know what to do. She usually had plenty to say and a penchant for sticking her foot in her mouth. Words just refused to come. She nervously picked at the peeling leather of the bench seat, hoping he would say something to get her brain working properly. She didn't have to wait long.

"Jesus, Berry, say something! I'm fucking clueless right now. " He muttered.

"I'm sorry, I want to make sure I don't say the wrong thing. Honestly I am having my own difficulties deciphering this situation as well."

"You broke up with me months earlier because of our feelings for other people. We both have what we want. We can't fuck that up."

"Is Quinn who you really want, Noah?" Rachel asked before she could stop herself. Noah's head whipped around to stare at her and she thought maybe she should regret the question. She didn't though. She needed to know, because Finn certainly wasn't who she wanted anymore.

"Is Finn who you really want?" He countered.

Rachel pondered the question and his reason behind it. Of course she knew the answer but, were they really ready for the truth? Furthermore if Quinn was what he truly wanted wouldn't he have just said yes? Rachel decided to go for broke, regardless of what happens, she was too honest to lead Finn along when she was in love with another man.

"No, he's not." She meant his eyes as she revealed this. Everything that was in her heart was in that look.

"I have a responsibility to Quinn and our baby." Noah started. "And as much as I may want something else, this isn't just about me anymore."

"You've grown up, Noah, I'm proud of you. I always have been." Rachel quietly told him, failing to hide the quiver in her voice.

Noah reached over and grabbed her hand. "I wish things could be different."

For the second time that day Rachel felt tears fall.

"So do I, Noah." She whispered and she left his truck before he could stop her.

* * *

As weeks, and then months, then years passed, Rachel's heart always belonged to a hazel eyed boy, who grew into a wonderful man. She was there when his and Quinn's baby came into the world and the first time they brought baby girl Puckerman to meet the glee kids. She begged to close her eyes but she couldn't, she watched and wished and hoped. At his wedding she prayed again that she could close her eyes but it wasn't meant to be. Like always she was meant to watch Noah Puckerman. Even if it meant her heart was being ripped apart.

Shortly after that she left for New York. With a lot of hard work she slowly became the star she always meant to be. Noah sent her roses to congratulate her on her first Broadway musical. She pressed one between wax paper so she could keep it forever. When she received news of his divorce Rachel sent him a letter. She wanted him to know she was sorry things hadn't worked out. She still couldn't close her eyes.

* * *

He was waiting for her one day after rehearsal. She almost pinched herself to make sure this wasn't one of the many similar dreams she had over the years.

"Noah?"

"Can I please, just be with you?" He rasped.

For a nanosecond she was frozen and then she ran the few steps to him wrapping her arms tightly around him. She felt him take a breath and then hug her equally as tight.

"You've always been with me. " She whispered against his chest.

She finally closed her eyes.

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The end.

Reviews = love :)


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